Conciencia
As a kid I loved when my mother would braid my hair before school
I would walk in tall and proud
Feeling like a fresh new dollar bill
But at some point my mind played tricks on me
You see
It became uncool to walk around school with braids on your head It became uncool to speak spanish
It became uncool not to kiss boys
It became uncool to be a beaner
It became uncool to love the culture you grew up with
I would run to the school bathroom as fast as I could, covering my hair with a hoodie of shame,
And untwisted my braids as fast as I could before anyone could see me The real me
Those braids were created by my mother’s strong hands Each section of the braid untwisting my culture Untwisting my ancestors
Untwisting mis raizes and where they came from Deceived by the wave of mainstream media Deceived by pop culture
Deceived by my insecurities that are now called virtues
I was an uncultured prick like the rest of the kids
You see, I did not care if I hurt my mom when I came home with my hair tucked neatly behind my ears
The brown eyes of milk and honey
Stereotypes growing and overpowering who I really am
A Chicana
A Latina
A leader not a follower
The long tail that no one can step on
Because I am quick-tongued to defend myself
And with every Latino generation born in the land of the free we break the cycle of oppression
Call me by my real name Julia without the American accent Let each syllable sink in
The cycle of oppression that was once held tightly in between your fists has now soften Too soft
The cycle of mija calladita te miras mas bonita
translated to…
Mija, you look way more beautiful when you are quiet
Silenced….
El silencio llama The silence calls
But is no longer heard in between my braids
I decipher your thoughts of prejudice and sexism I no longer care for
I am no longer searching for mainstream but the upstream
Into the altar of the sun and moon
The cradle in which my body lays, a maca in my abuelos house, rocking back and forth as I slumber in the heat
The sweat dripping down my neck as I drink my tio’s famous licuado, que cura el calor en el verano
I am braided into existence, la fuente de amor y cultura De la tierra madre
Conciencia