The Chill Spot
Come in, let’s go out to the back porch. Watch your step. Slam that door or it won’t stay shut. It looks heavy but the lock freezes and you have to push it in, then slam the door.
Don’t sit in that chair. I know it looks comfortable. It’s an old Lay-Z-Boy, but unless you plan on getting pissy drunk, don’t sit there. As soon as you sit on it, it reclines all the way back. That’s why it’s pushed against the wall, so if you are falling back, the wall will stop you. It only goes back up when you fall out of it or get helped out of it.
Sit over there. Three people can sit on that bench. I know. It looks like it came out of someone’s car. It did. My granddad’s old van. He needed a place to put it once he pulled it out of the van. You know nothing goes in the trash here. That van needs to go to the dump but as long as it turns over, it’s valuable in this house. If that seat is too hard to sit on, that chair in the corner has a softer cushion. It’s old but it’s all wood. Be careful where your feet go when you sit. Old Buster is laying under it waiting on crumbs or beer. Anything that hits the ground he will lick it up. That dog is about as old as that Lay-Z-Boy chair. Both are the same color. You rarely see a full black German Shepherd anymore. She blends in well with that old rug under the chair. You don’t know where the dog ends and the rug begins, but you can smell her. That coconut scent you smell is Buster. My grandmother gets to spraying that air freshener everywhere. As soon as she gets a new can she goes straight to whatever she smells. Buster just happens to be the focus that day. Open the door, I will let her outside because if we don’t this porch will smell like wet dog and coconut.
Don’t bother trying to turn on the light. It doesn’t work. There’s no power out here. Plus the dark is relaxing. Light attracts bugs and people. We’re facing the alley so you may not hear too many cars driving through it but it’s always someone running through it. I don’t know what they are running from, but when I was younger, I took that alley to cut off time getting home.
Hand me a Big Red out of that cooler. It’s open, that lock and chain are just there to remind people to put a dollar in that box on the side before you open it. Grab that bottle for yourself. Ok, it’s burning your throat. That’s whiskey. The label came off. Grab the other bottle. Anything with a Coke label is whiskey. Grab the Sprite label, the clear stuff. That should have a sweet taste to it. That’s wine. Whatever it takes to fool my grandmother. Grab that ice in that bag at the bottom. If you’re drinking Night Train, Crown Royal or whiskey, pay double before you finish it because for some reason no one can get their money right after a couple of drinks.
I see you looking for that sound. That humming noise is coming from the radio. Lift those books up behind you. It doesn’t look like it works but it does. Don’t bother looking for a remote. You turn the dial to the right and it will come on. Stop looking for the plug, it’s run by batteries. It’s already set on the station. You can’t mess that up because that is the only station that comes in clear on the FM dial. Turn it up, then you will hear it more clearly.
This is my spot when I want to be alone. I know the screen doesn’t stop all the heat and cold from outside, but it stops the bugs and flies. In the winter time, I put boards up. That’s them behind this couch. They are really the old doors off of my grandfather’s old house. He felt like he bought them when we lived there so he took them when we moved. They don’t fit perfect but put those two behind that metal cabinet and they will stay up there. When it’s cold, it is the best place to be because no one comes out here. In that bottom drawer of that metal cabinet is a bag with blankets in them. They are warm on a cold night and I have spent plenty of nights out here. Stop laughing. You know you have privacy when the door going back into the house is locked.