“if you knew me you would know”
If you knew me you would know that just because my illness is
invisible it doesn’t mean i am not sick.
i can wear a smile just as good as everyone else.
a mask carefully put on each day in front of the mirror
with the happy expression etched on in permanent
marker “looking” healthy means nothing.
If you knew me you would know that since 12 years old i have been pleading with my
body not to be so broken
my cries a scratched and broken record again
and again and
again.
you expect me to be loud about my pain, the long, harsh scream of a barn
owl but so many suffer in silence.
my pain is the quiet melody of a finch. i turned my pain into a song of resilience
If you knew me you would know
that i am made to feel like a
burden
because my body doesn’t quite work right. a gear in the wrong place
maybe i don’t want to cancel my plans with you
i don’t want to bring my own food wherever i go
i don’t want to forget your name or stumble over my words because the fog in my brain is too
thick i don’t want to lie flat on a bench in the middle of an amusement park because i am too
dizzy and nauseous to stand straight.
the world keeps passing
me by i don’t
i
do
n’t
i
don’t
If you knew me you would know that your words hurt
me more than my own body does
pricks of needles. swarms of invisible
insects. when i am told every day
that it isn’t that bad
when i am told that
i am just being
dramatic
when i am asked if it is really real
or, perhaps even worse, when nothing is said
at all Your words hurt me more than my own
body does
If you knew me you would know that
sometimes, i have a hard time speaking up
for myself.
a small child with something to say but the world is too
busy to stop
a
n
d
ju
st
li
st
en.
i need someone to be my advocate when i can’t
If you knew me you would know that my pain doesn’t
stop my moment by moment choice to live with
purpose
with love
If you knew me you would know that
like large hands trying to handle a paper
crane i am still learning to be gentle with
my body
so please
i am begging you
be gentle with me too